You have the key to prevent disputes with your spouse, child. The guys are much more stupid to know how to get some discussion without causing another, even without knowing that we live in one.
Yes, of course, resolve conflicts without shouting, accusing, demanding or act is very possible. To achieve this, grown assertive attitude (which is the same as affirmative attitude) in your partner and live happier, relaxed and "good vibes".
If every discussion ends with a "fuck you!" And sneer accompanied by a need to ponder if you really want to stick with that partner, own, and it would be better to end the debate once and for all, or that is, to leave. We think that this is not the goal. A discussion is learned, where there is interest, and the keys are to listen and find solutions. Equally important is to forgive and forget the mistakes and admit it yours. Assertiveness
: AFFIRM, is the ability to say what they think and feel. That is, to affirm serenely, smooth emotional and, of course, without trying to attack the other (Xavier Guix, psychologist)
THE QUID To settle an argument:
1 º) disregard it if something does not feel sick and shut up. Oppress. Tell asap.
2 º) Launch "puyitas" in public could end up with a conflict. It is a risky formula and humbling.
3 º) An emotional blackmail to time served. Tears are a good step, but not abused and that after they do not hardly ever speaks.
4 º) before exploding on occasion has ten or twenty. It is suitable for a good exposure.
5 º) To prevent him go in the discussion your attitude and body language should encourage non-irritation of both. Try not cause.
6 º) Do not try to take always right, you will feel "depute mother" and released and will show you want to fix things, not worth the sole goal of just winning.
7 º) Join in a list what you intend to inform you that it bothers you. Be a good analysis to expose hot cold.
8 º) Use the assertiveness continually speaks in first person whenever you can.
9 º) Dale strong presence to the sense of humor: life is beautiful. It is very relaxing and denotes intelligence.
10 º) defines the territory. Let everyone go through with only his own and not with family or work the other brings. However, the relief without question, always be allowed to outsiders.
11 º) If the dispute can not decide at that time a withdrawal is not violent best to continue later. Go to run, or see a window, just in case.
12 º) The "forgive but not forget" should disappear completely, otherwise the relationship will end badly damaged over time.
The friction causes the baby, yeah ... and also makes wounds. A couple does not have a perfect understanding of it is well established. In fact, there is a high risk of taking a dangerous path. "The road show is another that is wrong and we are right. If the couple continues in this way, will enter more and more in the jungles of the power struggles "(Jean-Francois Vézina, psychologist).
is a classic, widely used to believe that our, partner should figure out what we want without having to tell or we can change / ay get it to do things our way. Can not be converted to a fortune teller, nor otherwise mold him as you wish. It is an attitude that only comes frustration, anger and all blame.
Assertiveness is not abundant in our culture. Here are some assertive rights as an example: You have (I have) the right, sometimes, to be first, you have (I have) the right to make mistakes, to have own ideas and opinions, to change his mind, opinion or action, to express criticism and protest unfair treatment, to seek clarification, to try to change what you are not satisfied, to ask for help or emotional support to feel and express pain, to ignore the advice of others, to receive recognition for a job well done, to refuse a request to say "no", to be alone, even when others want their company, not justified to others ; not responsible for the problems of others not to anticipate the desires and needs of others and not having to intuit, to not be aware of the will of others or the absence of bad idea in the actions of others to respond, or not doing, to be treated with dignity to their own needs and that are as important as those of others, to experience and express their own feelings and to be your single judge, to stop and think before acting, to ask what he wants to do less than they can do, what to do with her body, time and prosperity, to refuse requests without feeling guilty or selfish, to speak the problem with the person involved and rinse in those cases where the rights of each are not entirely clear, you have (I have) the right to do anything, while not infringe the rights of another person. We tend to justify
outbursts with the "status go!" and believe that people do not change. And so we go when we communicate our displeasure on the basis of indirect sarcasm, emotional blackmail, accusations or outbursts. Yes or no? A discussion is learned. "The discussions are necessary before a couple of disagreements. The downside is not knowing discuss not listen, do not focus on solutions, but to blame and defend our position, sometimes aggressively, because what matters is to win another "(Teresa Vaquero, psychologist) Pride is
the worst possible partner, but give up or shut to ward off the conflict does not work as the proud almost never acknowledges his "sin." In fact it is very irritating and, ultimately, leads to resentment and blame out of the closet many moth-eaten and encourage your partner whenever you like less.
There is no way around it: if there is a problem we must solve speaking, intelligently, of course. Use empathy (what happens to the other person could happen to you) that helps you get in the place of another and build bridges. It is an attitude that encourages dialogue and to change attitudes and to acknowledge mistakes without either of them feel pressured or required too.
costs, but arguing well and healthy, strengthens the relationship.
By the way, if you are not out of sympathy to your partner and look kindly on anyone and the relationship has not achieved economic, fraternal, emotional ... well go away in peace, for a season alone has not hurt anyone. It's the best way to avoid arguments. LUCK.
(Paloma Corridor)
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